When I first thought about starting a blog I figured that I would post reviews and other assorted thoughts about films. The plan was to write a bit about Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, but something else has come up that requires more attention. If you happen to be one of the people who used to read my posts on MySpace, then you will be familiar with my encounters with crazy assholes on eBay, people who I like to lovingly refer to as "eHoles". Last week I happened to cross paths with probably the most unhinged eHole I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. Below are the messages that the two of us shared. Please note that these have in no way been edited to make me look cool and the guy to look like a douche.
August 9th.
I received an e-mail from Paypal notifying me a payment for an eBay item purchased using a "buy now".
August 10th.
I send the following e-mail to the buyer:
"Hi. The disc will ship August 11th. Thank you, Vince". Seems rather simple, no?
August 11th.
The eHole sends this message:
"Hello. I noticed my item has not been mailed yet? When will it be mailed to me? Thx".
I responded with:
"Hi. I sent you an e-mail last night saying that the item would ship today. It looks like I won't make it to the post office in time after work today. The item will go out tomorrow. Thank you, Vince".
Seems rather simple so far.
August 13th.
He didn't write anything on the 12th. He must have taken the day off. Now, you may be saying "Vince, this guy seems normal. Are you sure you're just not being a dickhead"? Wait for it.
Here's what he wrote next:
"Hello, I see that you still have not yet mailed my purchase. I don't understand what is the delay. The item was paid for the say day as bid on, but you have made no attemp to send me the item. If the item does not ship to day I will be filing a claim and demanding a refund from paypal on Aug 14. This is terrible service if you expect ppl to buy from you. No other seller has waited this long to ship a purchase already paid for. If you are not able to fullfill you end of the agreement you should not be on ebay".
Where did this come from? I have no idea. Maybe he's not getting my e-mails and eBay messages. I was a little ticked at his attitude, so I wrote back:
"HI. Actually I have shipped your item. This is the THIRD time that I have written to you with shipping updates. As I said before the item would ship on the 12th, and it did. I was not online last night to mark the item as shipped on eBay. My busy work schedule prevented me from getting the item out sooner. Again, this is something that I have mentioned before. There is no reason to threaten me and I do not apppreciate it. I will also send a cpy of this message to your e-mail account. Take care, Vince".
See? I told you that I wasn't editing these things... I even left my typos in.
The eHole grows more irritated for some reason:
"Not really sure what kind of work you do. But no excuse for not taking care of business. You purchase something and the seller is lazy, you would question your desire of the purchase also. Your work schedule is not my concern, but spending my money on something with horrible and unacceptable customer service IS! If it takes me lighting a fire to either get my product or to get a refund so be it. And if I choose to get a refund you WILL be hearing a lot more from me"!
As mad as this guy is making me, I try to maintain my cool:
"You're calling me lazy? That's funny. Shipping an item within 3 days is not lazy at all, it's the norm for eBay. My service is neither horrible nor unacceptable. I have been friendly and up front with you. I do expect you to request a refund since you seem to enjoy harassing me for some odd reason. Take care, Vince".
Notice how I keep polite by ending each message with "take care". I have manners like that.
The eHole chooses to ignore this last message and continues his barrage from before, but with a slight twist:
"I do not yet see a tracking lable for item. The post office creates this upon mailing an item. I assume since this has also yet to happen, you have frauded this purchase. I will contacting paypals to receive a refund. Your service is deplorable! Arguing with a customer who only wants what they have paid for only goes to show you don't want my business".
This guy was tiring me out, so I had to rest and decided not to respond... until the next day.
August 14th.
Having fully rested from the previous day's retarded exchanges, I decide to write my new friend once again: "Good Saturday morning to you. The post office does not create tracking labels when you mail an item. What they do have is either delivery confirmation or registered mail at an additional cost. Both ways create a tracking number. The delivery confirmation number for your package is ***********. According to usps.com you should have the item today. I have yet to argue with you. You continue to attack me for no reason and I have to continue to write responses to explain things to you. You will have your paid item in less than a week from the time that you purchased it. I fail to see what is so horrible, deplorable, and lazy about that. By the way, you're sexy when you're angry".
I've yet to heard from him again. I may have screwed up my past and present tense (or is it tenses?) in this blog, but I'm tired and you'll have to forgive me this time.
